So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
