I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
