Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
