You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Duck Duck Cougar?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
