my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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