Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
