My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
