haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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