Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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