SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
