Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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