what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
