Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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