1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
