This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
