just come out here and I will go home with you...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
