He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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