Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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