you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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