Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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