That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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