Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
