Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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