I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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