I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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