He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
