I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
