his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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