if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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