butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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