I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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