so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
