You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What drink are we having for lunch?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
