Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
