Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
