: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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