i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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