when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Say something about gay babies.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
