i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize