Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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