Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
