Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
