I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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