what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
