that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
