I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
