so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
