There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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