Please, let me fuck your mom
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
