yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
