I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize