omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
how drunk are you?
Several
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
