I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
