i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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