Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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