his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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