The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
