"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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