Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
