I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
