Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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