you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
