maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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