I cannot find my penis.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
