You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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