Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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